Dear Joe Everyman,
I hope you are enjoying your time as a freshman at Florida State University. I have a lot of great memories from my time there. I would like to ask, though, where you are planning on going after your time there.
As I’m sure you aware, there are many dangers that exist in today’s digital society. Hackers are abundant worldwide, with the ability to steal your credit card information, email passwords and even your identity. The Internet itself is littered with filth in the form of pornography sites, gambling pages and many others. Notto mention the fact that digital technology in the form of video games, MP3 downloads, and etc has caused kids to stay inside more so than any other generation. I have collected a number of documents that exemplify the power of mass media and digital technology in today’s time. All use attractive colors and fonts to reel a person into its message. These documents, or digital designs, are present everywhere in our society and can be quite over-whelming.
I’m writing to you to tell you that there is a new place you can go after your time at FSU to live a healthy life away from the problems of digital society. The Journeying and Writing Society, or J.A.W.S, is a recently founded society on an island in the Pacific Ocean. We are truly one of a kind in many aspects, the first one being our independence from the hold that digital technology has over the rest of the world.
We have our own Internet server that connects to predetermined web sites and blocks any others I deem inappropriate. Oh, did I mention, I am the dictator of this society. While I am tough on laws, I am also very kind and considerate. Anyways, we have a firewall on our network that surpasses any other in the world. We have the highest digital literacy rate of any country on earth. Our schools use state of the art equipment to teach students how to properly use digital technology. We are not a society that fears or resists the power of digital technology; we simply control it.
In addition to our outstanding digital technology, we also have one of the safest and healthiest societies on earth. With only a population of 30,000, we have become the strongest military presence in the world because of our superior technology and dedication. The J.A.W.S Island boasts one of the lowest obesity ratings on earth, and in 2012 we will be sending athletes to the world Olympics.
It is my hope that based on what you have read here, you will highly consider coming to my island. I am sure that once you explore this beautiful place for yourself, you will see just how good of an idea it is to live here. Our population is growing every month (slowly, though) and we would love for you to be apart of our one, big family. Enjoy the rest of your time at FSU, and we hope to see you here!
Jordan Wagner, Head Dictator
I heard... that J.A.W.S. is a dictatorship that values control over technology, or rather the limitation of it's hold on society. I heard that this society uses censorship to achieve this limitation and it has helped it's citizens live a healthier lifestyle.
ReplyDeleteI noticed... that you touched upon advertising as yet another evil in modern day society and wished you had elaborated just a bit more on this theme.
I wondered... if you just wrote this in one sitting without editing it. Particularly the part where you stated, "Oh did I mention I'm the dictator of this society" made me think this. It just seemed abrupt and disrupted the flow of the letter. Other than that and a few grammar mistakes I thought this letter was well written and effective.
I heard that you are writing to an FSU student, trying to persuade them to come live at J.A.W.S.. Your main audience is the average college student who might not know what exactly they want to do after they graduate.
ReplyDeleteI noticed that you used images from everyday life in America that can be seen as overwhelming sometimes, such as cigarette advertisements as well as sexually suggestive displays. I noticed that you stressed the amount of control over digital technologies existing in J.A.W.S. as well as the athletic abilities of those within the society. Athletics might be particularly appealing to an FSU interested in football and team spirit.
I wondered if you had any other images that might provide persuasion for living in J.A.W.S. to counter the images you used to represent the negativity of the current digital society. I also wondered what the opinions of current citizens were.
Overall, I think you did a pretty good job, but might have been able to find a more creative way of using your chose images instead of just clumping them all together. However, you did well!
I heard how adamant you are about J.A.W.S. and how you truly believe it is the best society in the world. I heard a few grammatical mistakes, like when you said "as I'm sure you aware", for example. But nothing that can't be easily fixed.
ReplyDeleteI noticed that you used a very straight-forward way of writing; you wrote the letter in a very personable attitude, which encourages almost any reader to want to live in the society you are talking about.
I wondered why you put the images all together without any text rather than providing an image with an explanation, then another image with an explanation, and so on.
Overall, great letter Jordan!